I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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