please come you make the beer taste better
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my liver is dry heaving
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
