she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
