I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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