I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
