Im at strip club and am horny
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
