The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
