you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
