why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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