we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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