Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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