I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
