wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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