You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
