my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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