Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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