why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
