I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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