is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
