And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
