It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
