Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can text with my tongue
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
