Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
