i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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