and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
