i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
