you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
