I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
