A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
