Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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