i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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