I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
