they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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