come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
