my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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