Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
