My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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