Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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