Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
