Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
