I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
