A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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