her facebook's as public as her vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
