I'm gonna have a badass scar
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this just has baby written all over it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
