My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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