I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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