I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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