dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
