If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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