i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
