Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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