It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
