trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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