This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
